The Orgasm Gap.

Let’s start with the stats, shall we?

According to a 2022 study by NYC’s Columbia University, 95% of heterosexual men “always or almost always” orgasmed during sex, while when asked the same question, only 25% of women (identifying as straight) said the same.
Take a moment to absorb the enormity of that…only one-quarter of mainstream women are getting there during sex. Also, when asked if they’d ever faked an orgasm, 23% of men said yes, and (you guessed it) the number was much, much higher for women. When asked the reason they had for faking an orgasm, an overwhelming majority of women said “for the sake of my partner’s ego.”
(The number of women who orgasm during lesbian sex is higher, at 89%. But we have an undeniable advantage here; it helps to own the equipment that you’re servicing.
Also, we know when you’re faking. Carter. Just saying.;)

But those stats. Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
So what’s the problem? Well, I’m going to hazard a guess that there are a few layers to it. I’m going to list a few, and also throw in why they’re bullshit. Ready?

1. Mainstream media tells us that all we should expect is three minutes of foreplay and then penetration to noisy orgasm. 
Ummmm. No. Maintream media has it wrong, that’s a recipe for abrasion, not orgasm.
When I was younger, it never occured to me that it was normal for a woman to take 30-45+ minutes of consistent stimulation to reach orgasm…that she also needed to feel emotionally safe with her partner, appreciated and adored, and at ease with her surroundings to even get close to that point. I thought the problem was me, that I was somehow too stiff, stunted and tense to come in the 47 seconds that it seemed to take the characters on the L Word.
In reality, almost every woman needs trust, safety and connection to orgasm. News flash…it’s not about thrusting. Jesus.

2. From the time we are old enough to talk, we are groomed as women to always be in the service of others.
To put their feelings and ego trips above the validity of our own experience, and certainly above our own needs. In fact, we shouldn’t have needs.
Again, BULLSHIT.
Let me put it this way. When I was in my thirties, I had a powerfully sexy partner that showed me what it felt like to take someone over, to be in gentle power.
And how did she do it? She studied me, then met me where I was.
We were blissfully naked one Saturday night after the pub and a visit to the kebab shop at the end of the road, then a late night tumble into the sheets. She gently rebuffed my attempts to make it all about her, which until then had been my go-to, then tied my wrists to the headboard.
I did hesitate when she tied a moderately scratchy wool scarf pulled from the chair in the corner (we were in Scotland, I don’t know what to tell you) over my eyes, and I remember tensing up as I started to feel predictably anxious.
But then, she edged my naked thighs apart with the steady warmth of her shoulders. I remember her voice was deliciously husky, her touch confident, yet light as breath. She whispered …”I’m going to go down on you for the next hour. You can come, but you don’t have to. I’m here because it’s the only place in the world I want to be.”

Well done, Ruth from Glasgow. I’m the lover I am, physically and emotionally, because of you.

Women have been told for the last hundred years that their bodies are acceptable only if they are awash in the scent of summer wildflowers and completely hairless.
Boring bullshit.
If I’m with you it’s because I want to be with you… the intense warmth of freshly uncovered skin, changing textures and gorgeous layers of sultry scents that I think about for days afterward. I love women. I want them to smell like themselves. Not the chemical burn of discordant wildflowers that the male execs at Proctor & Gamble thought up. Fucking hell.

The takeaway here? Stop faking your orgasms. Just stop that shit.
Your pleasure is just as important as theirs.
Period.